OUR STORY
By Sean L Ray
It all started several years ago in an apartment complex filled with unrest and many types of problems. I sat on the bathroom floor weeping before the lord. At that moment, I felt so alone, discouraged, hopeless, frightened, and my faith in God was weak at best. "Why is this happening to us, God," I asked aloud. It seemed like God had let go and I was afraid for my very life. I was afraid for my husband and my, then, five month old Golden Retriever, River. He sat near me licking the tears from my face, while my husband sat near me praying. We had come to
IN a near by apartment, there were people making selling and using Meth. The day they moved in, our lives turned upside-down. The pungent smells and fumes made me feel so sick in many ways. My legs burned and tingled, I had frequent headaches, and sometimes the fumes would make me nauseous. I could no longer function and consistently do my daily activities. I felt so overwhelmed.
I hated the people that were making us so miserable, and I just wanted away from them. I began to pray for God to help us find a way out from this oppression. Soon, a duplex opened up and we were able to move there, but God was not done with us. A few weeks later, we began to smell the familiar odors of Meth cooking. I kept praying and praying that they would all go away. I felt afraid to walk my neighborhood all by myself. I was angry, and again, I questioned God's purpose for having us around the people who were cooking and using Meth. The problem was not going away. I held a grudge, became bitter, and prayed for them to just die or something. One day, I heard someone speaking about forgiveness at our church, and I was reminded of the people who were in the Meth business. I needed to forgive them.
I began writing a prayer list, as I often do, for heavy issues. This list was about the people cooking, selling, and using Meth. During the time I had felt so lost, I had also felt that I had been deeply misunderstood by quite a few friends, but my sister and her family really supported Todd and I. My sister really went the extra mile to try and get us moved out of those apartments and into a safe place. Mom and her husband helped us pack up and move out all our belongings. My sister and some of her friends tried to trace down the odor but couldn't. I didn't want to continue telling her that there was a problem, because I didn't want her to stop believing in Todd and me. I felt so alone and vulnerable.
I totally felt betrayed by the law enforcement. They were supposed to help us, and some did make efforts while others were very patronizing. One officer said to me, "well, if you didn't see it, then it isn't happening. I don't see anything," but I could smell it. I could hear the same cars with their same erratic driving patterns. Some of us people who are blind have a great ability to recognize voices. I recognized some of the voices I had heard from the previous apartments in our nice neighborhood.
"These police and sheriffs must be blinder than we are," I thought. I had also hoped to find a best friend at this time, but couldn't fine one anywhere in anyone. That was in the beginning of the trial. I had missed my close friends from California and went about trying to have replacements with other people I thought would be like my best friends, but I often was told , "no," for getting together with friends. I felt isolated with no where to escape from the trials that felt very intense. I just kept relying on Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (NIV.) Yet it felt as though no one would believe that we were smelling the fumes, and people thought that because we were blind, we didn't know what we were talking about. I was angry with my friends, agencies designed to help those who are blind,, and the police. I had to forgive them, and it was a process. I gave my big, huge problem to the Lord, and began the process of healing from all the other people's disbelief. To me, it seemed that my very integrity was no good anymore, but through my prayer lists and just talking with God, I began to realize something. People may not have believed me, but I know that my God did.
About that time, I had a meeting at my house, and mostly blind people attended. When evening came, the people making Meth started dumping their waste near our house in the street. All of the people who couldn't see very well or at all smelled it. I was believed! I felt so ecstatic that I had been believed! I was taken so seriously that my friend Colleen would not allow Todd and me to stay in our own home for the night. We were taken to her house, and for the first time in a long while, I felt safe and able to sleep fully. Out of the bleakest time, a new and wonderful friendship was born.
The three of us began a long journey together and I found out that Colleen was really struggling with her neighbors concerning her dog guide. They did not understand how a dog guide and handler team worked. People were feeding the dog, criticizing Colleen, and constantly calling the school to turn her in with false reports. At that moment, my desire for helping other disabled people and advocating for them was taking shape. The three of us grew closer as we conquered the dog guide issue, and still, there were always people who made it hard for Colleen. God provided her a way out of that old place and today, she is living in a wonderful apartment.
After Colleen's main hurdles were through, we began a small group Bible Study under the leadership of Grace Christian Fellowship church. Soon, we realized that we were on a different plain from them, and we began to notice God calling us to a ministry specifically for the disabled. I know that this is God's will because under my own strength, I would have stuck my nose in the air, turned, and walked away. I'm glad I didn't, because I have been so blessed. Many ministry opportunities opened up for us, and we were able to share with others about Jesus. We were then able to come along side and help other struggling disabled people to heal and grow. During this time, the Meth fumes and ailments were still plaguing Todd and me, but we prayed, pressed on, and continued to try to live a normal life. We were still trying to call the law enforcement for help, but one night we got the surprise of our lives.
We had told the dispatch not to have anyone come to our house, but that message must have been ignored. A sheriff officer came into our house and it seemed like he was in attack mode. He tried to intimidate us, and I felt afraid that we were going to get arrested. He was trying to say that we were making heinous reports and that we were the only ones to call about the strange ether like odor.
Instantly, I was brought back to those earlier times, and it was at that moment, I got the idea for the Meth prayer project. I knew that my God would always believe me, and He was safe to go to with this problem. I don't really think that our own church friends and leaders realized our problem was extremely serious. They believed that we were struggling, but the Meth cooks in the lab had watched us and took advantage of the fact that we couldn't see. So their smells and vehicles would all disappear when anyone sighted came around to investigate. The Meth cooks using our blindness against us caused us to look as if we were just anxious, perhaps crazy, or making up something to get attention. However, all of us blind people would smell it. So, my only consolation was that if I was going crazy then so were all the other blind people right along with me. Our then small group leader was telling us not to pray that the people addicted to Meth would leave our neighborhood, but would stay so that we could minister to them. Of course, I was the rebellious one who wanted everything to be nice, happy and positive, and, yes, I still like that kind of lifestyle even today. However, I know that God will give me an even better life than I had ever hoped for, but I had to learn to walk, step by step, through some really harsh trials. I came from a middle class background where my parents tried hard to make a good, happy life for us children. Thus, I was really shocked when caught in the midst of this heavy trial. It made my parents' divorce look like just a bad day at school where the teacher was cross the entire time.
We tried to find the Meth users, dealers and cooks, but they did not want to be found. I also thought, "What if us blind people try to go alone and witness to these people and we get killed or hurt?" I battled with how much I was listening to fear versus how much I was listening to God warning me to not go alone. I realized, eventually that my Lord was trying to protect me. We set about trying to evangelize and minister to the people addicted to Meth. Our then Bible study leader was encouraging us to minister to these people, I thought, "how are we going to fine these people who don't want us to find them and tell them Jesus loves them?" We played live Christian music for them and took turns preaching, over a PA system, the message out our front window. We had big speakers pumping out the music at high volumes and I prayed that we would not be evicted from our nice home. It only made them rev their car engines and peel out as they sped around the block blasting their music. They really did not want us to minister to them at all. We went to the houses and places where we thought the smell was coming from and gave them gifts. We gave them things like knitted scarves with novelty yarn, and we baked brownies, as well as made chocolate covered peanuts for them. Still, they continued their patterns.
Soon our former leader passed the baton of leadership to Todd, as he wanted to see about other ministries and perhaps starting another small group. Todd told me that he wanted me to be his co-leader, and that's when our healing really began to take off. We began a small prayer list for the Meth addicts and it grew from there. And, yes, we began praying that they would leave our neighborhood as long as they were practicing their drug using, making and selling behaviors.
Then, one day there came a turning point. Our group had been doing prayer walks and praying over our lists, and we saw God moving. I was home watching a show about Meth addiction and hearing some of the family members talking about how alone, powerless, and hopeless they were feeling. I realized that this was a big national problem! I needed to be a prayer warrior for those caught in and around Meth and drug use. Our projects really took off then.
Eventually, I became the leader of our small group Bible Study, and that was challenging all by itself. It was also a blessing. The group joined me in praying over the Meth addicts, the neighborhood, their families, and our safety. We realized that we could take this to a national level.
The more we prayed over the projects, and the more I talked with God alone, the freer I felt. God started speaking to me and showing me many things that kept me having compassion for the Meth addicts. Through television shows, I was able to realize that these people addicted to Meth and other drugs were miserable and suffering themselves. The grip of addiction has such a tight hold on the people involved. Families and children were suffering too. Some of my small group members were affected by Meth and drug addicts in a personal way. I got to hear, first hand, the sadness of family members as they told their story of being around a drug addict. Their hearts' desires were to have their addicted family members, become clean, stay clean, and receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. At least one of the people we have prayed for has gotten saved. What a testimony of God's faithfulness!
Soon, we were coming up with other prayer projects to focus on, and now we have a bunch of them.
I never want anyone else to have to feel that they are alone, isolated, powerless, or overwhelmed, because of Meth cooking, selling, and use. I have a friend clear across the country who's been feeling that way due to a Meth lab next to her home. It's really awful, and the only thing we can do is pray.
I hope you will follow our example and pray with us. The more people who join us, the better it will be. It is our prayer that as you've read this story, you will be inspired to come on the journey with us.
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Facilitating the Leap of Faith, In home, small group.
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